Henderson Oracle

Issue date: 3/24/08 Section: Opinion

Since the not-so-fast but definitely furious racers had given up and were tending to their wounds, I proceeded to the back of the center where the pool tables are located. I entered the crowded room to see Richard "The Gimp" Walker, 112, standing on top of a table next to a line of senior women. Walker, with large bottle of Ensure in his left hand and oversized pill bottle in his right, couldn't hide his perverted smile beneath his oxygen mask as he began to pour the Ensure over the women's shirts.

After what had to have been at least 45 minutes of vomiting, I procured the bottle of Ensure and wrangled Walker to the ground.

I never saw "One-Eye" and "Geritol" - the dice game guys - coming. They overpowered me and began pummeling me with a barrage of Velcro-shoe stomps, cane-lashings and verbal assaults, mainly, "whippersnapper."

When I came to, with a splitting headache and most of my clothes removed, little was known. Apparently, mouthwash/titanium hip lady had her way with me after all.

So after another solid hour of vomiting, I tried to gather my wits and make my way to the door through the sea of passed out seniors in very compromising positions.

I thought I had seen violence and devastation, having transferred from Long Beach, but all the gangs on the west coast combined can't hold a candle to "Bingo Brunch" at the senior center.

I quit.

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