Land of Confusion
Pipes and Pipe Bombs: A Celebration
Sarah Beard
Issue date: 4/20/09 Section: Opinions
If you're a good little literary type, and I know you are, you pick up the Oracle as soon as we distribute it. That would mean that you are reading this column on Monday, April 20. You're reading this column on 4/20.
Does that excite you? It really should - unless, of course, you're working for Big Brother. If that's the case, you're excited for all of the wrong reasons.
If you are working for the man, I'll have you know that it'll be 4/20/10 by the time you find me in my spider hole. If you must do something illegal, please do it as far away from civilization as possible. Pot makes you paranoid for a reason. Paranoia keeps you out of jail.
I know there's a Morrissey story I should be telling right now, but this issue is just a bit more time sensitive. Plus, you would be safe in assuming I started my celebration early. It's your problem now.
Not only is today, today meaning to be read as "Monday, April 20," a glorious Rasta celebration of all that is right in the world, it's also a time for quiet reflection. This year marks the tenth anniversary of the Columbine massacre.
Columbine was by no means the worst school shooting we've seen, but until Virginia Tech came along it was definitely the most sensationalized. Two angry outcasts - influenced by the media, of course - unleash an ultraviolent spree of vengeance on an unsuspecting campus. Sounds like the American dream come to life.
The media made them do it. Have I mentioned that yet? I hope so, because it's very important. If it weren't for violent movies and video games, Eric Harris would have been a Rhodes Scholar and Dylan Klebold would have fronted an experimental folk rock trio.
I'm sorry. I have a tendency to ramble.
Where was I? Oh yes. We like to talk about Columbine.
What's there to not like? You get action, suspense and intrigue. It's a great American tragedy - the good kind that makes families go to church for a couple of weeks.
Columbine really is a tragedy in the most painfully elegant sense of the word. Eric and Dylan had a megalomaniacal plan that wasn't supposed to end in the library of Columbine High. These disgruntled teenagers wanted to initiate chaos, similar to Manson's idea of a 'Helter Skelter' race war.
We all know how it ended, but I highly doubt we could even begin to imagine how they wanted it to.
They wanted to level the entire building, but the propane tank bombs they set up in the cafeteria didn't even detonate. They wanted every person in the school to suffer; yet they only physically harmed 39.
They were sad. They were angry. They were completely immature. Most importantly, when all was said and done, they were failures. Tragic, isn't it?
It's completely feasible that I'm giving these boys exactly what they wanted by writing this column. It's also completely feasible that nobody even reads or cares about this waste of words. All I know for sure is that someone needs to give them a voice, because when they tried to raise theirs, nobody gave a damn.
Does that excite you? It really should - unless, of course, you're working for Big Brother. If that's the case, you're excited for all of the wrong reasons.
If you are working for the man, I'll have you know that it'll be 4/20/10 by the time you find me in my spider hole. If you must do something illegal, please do it as far away from civilization as possible. Pot makes you paranoid for a reason. Paranoia keeps you out of jail.
I know there's a Morrissey story I should be telling right now, but this issue is just a bit more time sensitive. Plus, you would be safe in assuming I started my celebration early. It's your problem now.
Not only is today, today meaning to be read as "Monday, April 20," a glorious Rasta celebration of all that is right in the world, it's also a time for quiet reflection. This year marks the tenth anniversary of the Columbine massacre.
Columbine was by no means the worst school shooting we've seen, but until Virginia Tech came along it was definitely the most sensationalized. Two angry outcasts - influenced by the media, of course - unleash an ultraviolent spree of vengeance on an unsuspecting campus. Sounds like the American dream come to life.
The media made them do it. Have I mentioned that yet? I hope so, because it's very important. If it weren't for violent movies and video games, Eric Harris would have been a Rhodes Scholar and Dylan Klebold would have fronted an experimental folk rock trio.
I'm sorry. I have a tendency to ramble.
Where was I? Oh yes. We like to talk about Columbine.
What's there to not like? You get action, suspense and intrigue. It's a great American tragedy - the good kind that makes families go to church for a couple of weeks.
Columbine really is a tragedy in the most painfully elegant sense of the word. Eric and Dylan had a megalomaniacal plan that wasn't supposed to end in the library of Columbine High. These disgruntled teenagers wanted to initiate chaos, similar to Manson's idea of a 'Helter Skelter' race war.
We all know how it ended, but I highly doubt we could even begin to imagine how they wanted it to.
They wanted to level the entire building, but the propane tank bombs they set up in the cafeteria didn't even detonate. They wanted every person in the school to suffer; yet they only physically harmed 39.
They were sad. They were angry. They were completely immature. Most importantly, when all was said and done, they were failures. Tragic, isn't it?
It's completely feasible that I'm giving these boys exactly what they wanted by writing this column. It's also completely feasible that nobody even reads or cares about this waste of words. All I know for sure is that someone needs to give them a voice, because when they tried to raise theirs, nobody gave a damn.
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