Take It, Love
How to Avoid a Date
Arsala Khan
Issue date: 8/31/09 Section: Opinions
So, he asked you out. There was no way out of it. You were just leaving class and there he was, right in front of you. Waiting.
Maybe you could walk really quickly in the opposite direction and pretend to say hi to someone you knew. Nope. Not only was there no one in the hall that you knew, but it would be only too easy for him to stay in step with you until you reached the lobby doors and parted ways with your cover.
There was only one way out. You had to walk right into the fray.
He addresses you in a normal but slightly cocky manner, thinking he already has this in the bag. He doesn't. And this is how you let him know. There are only three excuses you ever need to memorize to avoid a date.
1. You already have a boyfriend. This is a lie older than most, and he may ask questions concerning your imaginary boy toy if he's really tenacious about going out. If not, then it's smooth sailing from there and you walk out. If the questions start pouring out, this is what you need to remember: his name is Daniel and you've been dating for four months already. He doesn't go to this school because he's not from here. He was actually born in Indianapolis, Ind. and moved here in middle school but decided to go back for college. You met through mutual friends over Thanksgiving break and are thinking about buying a puppy together. This is a well-thought out story: believable to the naked eye but not entirely foolproof. Chances are, he won't ask you anything further than whether or not you have a man and if the answer is yes, he'll leave you alone. But just in case he asks you something detailed that you haven't already covered, you need to think on your toes. If you hesitate for too long, he'll figure it out and then - you guessed it - you'll look like an idiot.
2. Say you can go and when he proposes a certain day, say you can't because you're too busy. There's nothing more satisfying than agreeing to a date only to find that you won't be able to go because chess club is meeting and, as captain, you have to be there. If he proposes another day, say that's the same day as your cousin's wedding, which is in Texas. It's going to take up the whole weekend. If he proposes yet another fun-filled evening, leave him hanging. Tell him you'll be in touch, but make no promises as to when you'll be free next. Trust me, that'll give you at least a few weeks before you use excuse number 1 on him and crush his dreams.
3. You have to wash your hair. As a whole, people are stupid. Something as nonsensical as washing your hair will not register at the moment that you say it and you will have time to walk away, typically gaining a 30-second head start before he really considers what you just said. Initially, he will take it as a legitimate reason to shut him down and leave you alone.
However, if you find a really clever guy who sees through that, you'll want to look almost appalled and say, "Do you have any idea how long it takes?" If you say anything with enough fervor and conviction, people will believe it.
Trust me, kids. These are the gems that have worked for eons. Use them, and you'll never have to nervously say "no" to another date again.
Maybe you could walk really quickly in the opposite direction and pretend to say hi to someone you knew. Nope. Not only was there no one in the hall that you knew, but it would be only too easy for him to stay in step with you until you reached the lobby doors and parted ways with your cover.
There was only one way out. You had to walk right into the fray.
He addresses you in a normal but slightly cocky manner, thinking he already has this in the bag. He doesn't. And this is how you let him know. There are only three excuses you ever need to memorize to avoid a date.
1. You already have a boyfriend. This is a lie older than most, and he may ask questions concerning your imaginary boy toy if he's really tenacious about going out. If not, then it's smooth sailing from there and you walk out. If the questions start pouring out, this is what you need to remember: his name is Daniel and you've been dating for four months already. He doesn't go to this school because he's not from here. He was actually born in Indianapolis, Ind. and moved here in middle school but decided to go back for college. You met through mutual friends over Thanksgiving break and are thinking about buying a puppy together. This is a well-thought out story: believable to the naked eye but not entirely foolproof. Chances are, he won't ask you anything further than whether or not you have a man and if the answer is yes, he'll leave you alone. But just in case he asks you something detailed that you haven't already covered, you need to think on your toes. If you hesitate for too long, he'll figure it out and then - you guessed it - you'll look like an idiot.
2. Say you can go and when he proposes a certain day, say you can't because you're too busy. There's nothing more satisfying than agreeing to a date only to find that you won't be able to go because chess club is meeting and, as captain, you have to be there. If he proposes another day, say that's the same day as your cousin's wedding, which is in Texas. It's going to take up the whole weekend. If he proposes yet another fun-filled evening, leave him hanging. Tell him you'll be in touch, but make no promises as to when you'll be free next. Trust me, that'll give you at least a few weeks before you use excuse number 1 on him and crush his dreams.
3. You have to wash your hair. As a whole, people are stupid. Something as nonsensical as washing your hair will not register at the moment that you say it and you will have time to walk away, typically gaining a 30-second head start before he really considers what you just said. Initially, he will take it as a legitimate reason to shut him down and leave you alone.
However, if you find a really clever guy who sees through that, you'll want to look almost appalled and say, "Do you have any idea how long it takes?" If you say anything with enough fervor and conviction, people will believe it.
Trust me, kids. These are the gems that have worked for eons. Use them, and you'll never have to nervously say "no" to another date again.
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