Take It, Love
The Club is a Battlefield
Arsala Khan
Issue date: 11/9/09 Section: Opinions
No matter where you are in the country, the bar scene is the same. You feel like you'll get herpes from sitting in a chair, smoke will get in your hair and clothes and, inevitably, you will get hit on by many patrons. There are loads of different types of people who will hit on you, and when they do, you have to treat them all a little differently.
So, you're looking cute as you walk in the bar. That would be your first mistake, but I get it. Sometimes, you just want to look nice. After you show your ID and scan the room for the rest of the party, you hear something. Ah, yes. The familiar sounds of catcalling from college-age fraternity guys.
First things first: do not ever, ever make eye contact. That would be the first rule. The instant you look at your assailant, it gives them the idea that they have a chance - which they never do. Secondly, walk away calmly but determinately to your friends. Nothing irritates people more than being ignored - and don't forget, this is a game and you're set on winning.
I'm no saying the catcalling will stop, because it never does. But every time it does happen, be resilient and stick to those rules.
There will also always be that person in the bar. You know who I'm talking about: some older patron who is a regular and who stands out in their own way, whether by unique clothes or fantastic stories.
Typically an interesting and thus entertaining individual, don't let this person fool you entirely. Because of their older age, they also feel like they can do anything at this point in their life.
Read: hitting on you. For this specific case, I'd recommend being a little nicer.
Everyone loves this person and this person
also frequents the bar, so you might just need to behave the same way you would if an uncle or cousin that you don't really know keeps talking about something that you don't care about: listen politely, nod and then walk off at the most opportune moment.
Then there's the desperate guy at the bar that just needs to buy you one drink. Just one drink. That's all. Just one. This guy, as I'm sure you know, will stop at nothing to impress and flirt with you. In my personal opinion, if they try to talk to you and you've got a few minutes to waste, have fun with it. This one is one of my favorites: no matter what they say, say something that is completely nonsensical.
For example, "Hey, how's it going? I'm Brian." Then you say: "I love striped sweaters." Like I always say, if you say something with enough confidence and deadpan, people will believe it. If you use this one and the desperate guy doesn't laugh nervously or completely dismiss it, come find me and tell me about it. I have yet to see this particular trick fail.
Yeah, the bar is much like a battlefield.
You can't walk in without your armor and artillery or else you'll get blasted into the trenches. The best trick is to outsmart your enemy. And the best way to do that is through straight fearlessness and boldness. Now, go out and conquer.
So, you're looking cute as you walk in the bar. That would be your first mistake, but I get it. Sometimes, you just want to look nice. After you show your ID and scan the room for the rest of the party, you hear something. Ah, yes. The familiar sounds of catcalling from college-age fraternity guys.
First things first: do not ever, ever make eye contact. That would be the first rule. The instant you look at your assailant, it gives them the idea that they have a chance - which they never do. Secondly, walk away calmly but determinately to your friends. Nothing irritates people more than being ignored - and don't forget, this is a game and you're set on winning.
I'm no saying the catcalling will stop, because it never does. But every time it does happen, be resilient and stick to those rules.
There will also always be that person in the bar. You know who I'm talking about: some older patron who is a regular and who stands out in their own way, whether by unique clothes or fantastic stories.
Typically an interesting and thus entertaining individual, don't let this person fool you entirely. Because of their older age, they also feel like they can do anything at this point in their life.
Read: hitting on you. For this specific case, I'd recommend being a little nicer.
Everyone loves this person and this person
also frequents the bar, so you might just need to behave the same way you would if an uncle or cousin that you don't really know keeps talking about something that you don't care about: listen politely, nod and then walk off at the most opportune moment.
Then there's the desperate guy at the bar that just needs to buy you one drink. Just one drink. That's all. Just one. This guy, as I'm sure you know, will stop at nothing to impress and flirt with you. In my personal opinion, if they try to talk to you and you've got a few minutes to waste, have fun with it. This one is one of my favorites: no matter what they say, say something that is completely nonsensical.
For example, "Hey, how's it going? I'm Brian." Then you say: "I love striped sweaters." Like I always say, if you say something with enough confidence and deadpan, people will believe it. If you use this one and the desperate guy doesn't laugh nervously or completely dismiss it, come find me and tell me about it. I have yet to see this particular trick fail.
Yeah, the bar is much like a battlefield.
You can't walk in without your armor and artillery or else you'll get blasted into the trenches. The best trick is to outsmart your enemy. And the best way to do that is through straight fearlessness and boldness. Now, go out and conquer.
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