Based on a True Story
Michael Bay
John T. Johnson
Issue date: 2/8/10 Section: Opinions
As friends of mine know, I have plenty of issues with director Michael
Bay, especially his recent “Transformers” films. I know plenty of people out there complain about Bay and yet still spend their hard-earned money on his films. I’m not here to make them feel bad; I’m guilty as charged. However, I am curious as to why we constantly sit through one mindless action film after another. We know what we’ll get out of his films.
First, and most obvious, is that there are going to be explosions. Anyone who has seen more than one of his films knows that Bay loves explosions. None of us go into “Bad Boys” or “Armageddon” thinking
they are going to be quaint little films with excellent characters and plot development. In those films, we expect to see some shit blow up. And Bay is happy to oblige.
If there are 1,000 ways to blow something up, then audiences are going to see 1,001 explosions in one of Bay’s films. That last explosion
is needed for the trailer.
Secondly, we know that there is going to be at least one helicopter shot in slow motion during a sunset. Whether it’s “The Rock” or “The Island,” people could play a drinking
game on how many helicopter shots they see during a marathon of Bay’s movies.
Even “Pearl Harbor” had a damn slow-motion bi-plane flying in the sunset. NOTE: considering helicopters
didn’t exist during the events of “Pearl Harbor,” this will count in the drinking game.
Also, there are shots in almost all of his films where the camera spins around two characters. Whether or not it’s the slow-motion “this is going
to look good in the trailer” shot of Martin Lawrence and Will Smith slowly rising while looking off onto the horizon or Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox having a little heart-to-heart in “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” the camera work will attempt to make you throw up.
This is because Bay hates to keep the camera still for three seconds. “Clerks” director Kevin Smith is known for not moving the camera much in any of his films, and critics always give him hell for it. If those critics had just seen a Michael Bay film before they watched one of Smith’s films, they would be eternally
grateful to the King of Geeks.
The aforementioned scene with Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox could have gone a lot better without the A.D.D. camerawork. It was a scene that could be easily accomplished with just a few two-shots and medium
shots of each of the characters. Remember, Mr. Bay: sometimes, less is more.
Finally, Michael Bay has also moved into producing other films that usually fall into the horror category. Knowing that he doesn’t have enough knowledge to find something that might be original and creative, he usually sticks to producing remakes of famous horror
films.
Now, I don’t really have a problem
with most of the films he’s directed
to point of hating them, but he needs to stop producing shitty remakes. It doesn’t matter if it’s “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” or “Friday the 13th” — they all suck.
And it doesn’t seem like it’s going
to stop anytime soon. Coming out later this year is yet another remake
that Bay is producing called “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
Admittedly
I’m holding out hope on this one, but Bay’s track record is not so hot, so I’m worried.
In the end, I think the biggest problem with Bay’s films is that they are like candy. The audience goes in, gets their fill and, eventually,
they realize they ate too much and begin to feel really bad about it later.
That’s OK; when they go to the bathroom, they’ll drop bombs Michael Bay style.
Bay, especially his recent “Transformers” films. I know plenty of people out there complain about Bay and yet still spend their hard-earned money on his films. I’m not here to make them feel bad; I’m guilty as charged. However, I am curious as to why we constantly sit through one mindless action film after another. We know what we’ll get out of his films.
First, and most obvious, is that there are going to be explosions. Anyone who has seen more than one of his films knows that Bay loves explosions. None of us go into “Bad Boys” or “Armageddon” thinking
they are going to be quaint little films with excellent characters and plot development. In those films, we expect to see some shit blow up. And Bay is happy to oblige.
If there are 1,000 ways to blow something up, then audiences are going to see 1,001 explosions in one of Bay’s films. That last explosion
is needed for the trailer.
Secondly, we know that there is going to be at least one helicopter shot in slow motion during a sunset. Whether it’s “The Rock” or “The Island,” people could play a drinking
game on how many helicopter shots they see during a marathon of Bay’s movies.
Even “Pearl Harbor” had a damn slow-motion bi-plane flying in the sunset. NOTE: considering helicopters
didn’t exist during the events of “Pearl Harbor,” this will count in the drinking game.
Also, there are shots in almost all of his films where the camera spins around two characters. Whether or not it’s the slow-motion “this is going
to look good in the trailer” shot of Martin Lawrence and Will Smith slowly rising while looking off onto the horizon or Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox having a little heart-to-heart in “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” the camera work will attempt to make you throw up.
This is because Bay hates to keep the camera still for three seconds. “Clerks” director Kevin Smith is known for not moving the camera much in any of his films, and critics always give him hell for it. If those critics had just seen a Michael Bay film before they watched one of Smith’s films, they would be eternally
grateful to the King of Geeks.
The aforementioned scene with Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox could have gone a lot better without the A.D.D. camerawork. It was a scene that could be easily accomplished with just a few two-shots and medium
shots of each of the characters. Remember, Mr. Bay: sometimes, less is more.
Finally, Michael Bay has also moved into producing other films that usually fall into the horror category. Knowing that he doesn’t have enough knowledge to find something that might be original and creative, he usually sticks to producing remakes of famous horror
films.
Now, I don’t really have a problem
with most of the films he’s directed
to point of hating them, but he needs to stop producing shitty remakes. It doesn’t matter if it’s “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” or “Friday the 13th” — they all suck.
And it doesn’t seem like it’s going
to stop anytime soon. Coming out later this year is yet another remake
that Bay is producing called “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
Admittedly
I’m holding out hope on this one, but Bay’s track record is not so hot, so I’m worried.
In the end, I think the biggest problem with Bay’s films is that they are like candy. The audience goes in, gets their fill and, eventually,
they realize they ate too much and begin to feel really bad about it later.
That’s OK; when they go to the bathroom, they’ll drop bombs Michael Bay style.
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